So here I go...again, no rhyme or reason to the order, just what comes out of my brain.
The other weekend, a LONG time ago, Spencer made a tire swing. He is so ingenious and creative. I wish I could say that I helped him, but I didn't! He worked it all himself.
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I LOVE the temple! I LOVE going and feeling the peace of the Savior. I LOVE the answers I receive there, and if no answers, just the feeling that accompanies me! I LOVE to leave the world behind, even if just for a couple hours, and bask in the things that matter most! And regardless of all that I seem to have to do, going to the temple always makes them easier to do....even though I spend the day AWAY from them and logically lose time. It is never lost though. This I cannot explain, except the the things of God are always best and seem to give more time, or more strength and focus in the thin of time.
I usually go to the St Louis Temple. This time we went to the Chicago Temple. I have never really been to Chicago so it was a fun jaunt with my friend. Truthfully, it was a PERFECT day all around. No rushing there or back....just going, being, and having a good time! My days are rarely without some sort of rush or time commitment, so being without one for a day AND adding the temple and a day with a great friend was sheer perfection!
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School seems to be going good for me. It still amazes me that all the faculty know me so well...or at least know me from my file. I spent Tuesday trying to figure out my schedule....I feel like I will be falling behind. I knew that going in since I am just going part time, but somehow it still is affecting me. I seldom let the darker thoughts of, "I'll never finish" creep in, but Tuesday I was wondering with the Health Ed classes only taught once a year if I wouldn't be 50 before it was all said and done! It was nice to have some students that are farther along in the program giving me some advice and shedding some light here and there. I am glad for kind people.
That morning (Tuesday) I left my house VERY early as I was determined to sit in on a dissertation defense. It was very interesting, really. Aside from the statistical jargon I understood it mostly. Research and evaluation are NOT my strong points and I learned that I really have a long way to go in that part. I will take classes soon and it may not seem so distant a goal!
I also was asked to sit in on an internal review for our program....lunch on the Dept is NEVER turned down. It was fun, interesting, and a learning experience to sit in the room with people that are farther along than me in their doctoral studies and share our thoughts about the good and bad of the program. Being there in those types of settings makes me feel more a part of it all....and since I live 2 hours away and am on campus only Tues and Thurs....it is a good thing.
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I LOVE my children's creativity! Spencer is constantly creating things. Kelsey and Cody aren't far behind. We spent a good chunk of Saturday cleaning the house (boy, did it need it). I walked into Cody's room and found this:
I taught class on Fri night and Saturday all day so I wasn't aware of it. He was pretty proud of his artwork. I wasn't happy that he drew on the wall, but couldn't say much. Getting angry would really do no good (I have found that out the hard way). So, we talked about drawing only on paper and left it at that. His room needs to be repainted anyway. I always think of the movie, and I can't think of the name of it, where the naval officer (widower) reunites with his high school sweetheart (widow). They both have LOTS of children...like 7-8 each. They are polar opposites....he runs a very rigid home with structure oozing from the seems. She, on the other hand, is an artist and runs a completely carefree home. Her children paint their rooms in their own style and she is good with that. One line in the movie is what I always think about. Funny, I don't remember the quote really, but I think about it whenever my children are creating their own spaces. I suppose I shouldn't let them get away with it.....but haven't found the perfect balance yet. Our home life is continually morphing into the best practices for love and harmony....and often we fail miserably. Right now I am trying for everyone to be happy and kind and to ease the anxiety my returning to school has caused. Right or wrong for another family....doesn't matter to me. It needs to be so for MY family to survive. And so it is!
I do enjoy the creativity of my children, that is for sure!
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Jordan turns 13 in a couple weeks. I can't hardly believe it. Lately I have been thinking about my life....about all that has gone on. I have thought a lot about high school, about my undergraduate college years, about my many sporting events and teams, about my mission, my time at BYU, my marriage and subsequent life with my own growing family. I suppose I have a lot of thinking time while I drive.
And to have Jordan turning 13 floors me! Wasn't it just YESTERDAY that I got married, found out I was pregnant, gave birth to him after eating pizza and CiCi's Pizza? Wasn't it just yesterday that I would fall asleep while feeding him? Wasn't it just yesterday that I spent every waking moment with him taking him on runs with me, to the store with me, on walks, etc? Wasn't it just yesterday that he fell and cut his eyebrow in Nana's tub and we stayed up all night in the ER instead of packing to move to Utah? Wasn't it just yesterday that he was running across grandma's kitchen floor and slipped on a newspaper and fell face first into the coffee table? Wasn't it just yesterday that we would snuggle in bed and talk about the funnies things - like "Mama, you're crazy!" or "I know how that baby is going to come out of your tummy, mama! (oh...this was going to be good, I remember thinking - along with 'I don't want to have this discussion with him at 2 yrs old') It's going to crawl up the ladder in your tummy and crawl out your mouth!" or about crazy things like bugs and leaves and trees and such? Wasn't it just yesterday that I sent him off to Kindergarten? Just yesterday that he learned to read and ride a bike? Just yesterday that he was just my little boy? But now he is nearly my height and all of a Young Man. My heart still swells with pride as I watch him pass the sacrament in church. I still smile as I see him interact with his friends. And sometimes when I am quiet and not on him to get up and get his room clean and get off the computer and and and....I sit and tear up remembering the last 13 years! It is hard to believe all that has happened in my life in 13 years...let alone his!
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I am not sure why, but I have been looking at my mission pictures a lot lately. It is fun to reminisce. Kelsey has been looking at them with me. I like that! It is fun to remember experiences from so long ago....a time that seems to have shaped so much of my world today.
On the way to school the other day Spencer asked (out of the blue) if it was possible to serve a mission where you lived? I tried to understand what he was saying. He meant that if we moved could he serve in Effingham? (and then he wanted us to move back and be with him). It was a great experience for me to share just how the callings are made. I referenced a talk in one of the last two General Conferences from Elder Rasband, I believe. I told Spencer (and Kelsey and Cody) that the calls come from our Father in Heaven. We are sent where it is best for us to serve....where we may help others and others help us, etc. It was a much longer conversation than this short paragraph, but it was exciting for me to testify just how involved the Lord is in calling His missionaries! I know that ... from experience.
I waited til I was 22 1/2 to go on my mission. I fret about it a lot feeling like I was supposed to be out serving and such. But I finished my schooling and softball first. Then I waited til the winter to go instead of going right after I graduated....a VERY long summer waiting! In my first area a young married man and his wife and family began taking the discussions. It was such a spiritual atmosphere. We sang a lot with them. I remember that. I think we sang for his birthday gift because that is what he wanted. He loved the hymns. His name was Charlie Micheaut. The first time we met with him he mentioned how about 6 months before he was thinking about turning his life over to God, but that it just didn't work out. And just "yesterday" (he said) I felt that feeling again....then we showed up. I know things like this happen all the time. He didn't continue listening to our message but it taught me a great lesson that the Lord knew I needed to be in that mission and specifically in that area. MANY more experiences proved to me that very same point.
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Oh, so very much more to write about.....school grades and feeling semi on top of things, yard work and mulching the leaves (what a dirty job), buying a new car and all that THAT entailed,
about the worth of friendship, about learning about myself, about honesty, about my children and love and laughter, about feeling the Spirit and being influenced even in the seemingly small areas of life. About how my children are finally adapting to this new life and routine of me going to school (I am too!). About the poignant questions my children ask me that spur great discussions and even better contemplations within my soul (Kelsey asked last night why the Book of Mormon was so important! THAT was quite a discussion but an even more in depth long thought process for me). Life is good!
And now, because of this time change it will be dark outside soon. I better go play catch with Kelsey!
Fun to play Ultimate Frisbee with my kids! Fun to play with them! Fun (???) to see that Jordan really is going to pass me up in height by his birthday! Fun just to be alive.
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