This is my life....

It's difficult to imagine life without those that I have near me now...truly incomprehensible to even imagine. As I sit near our tree this morning, the room is still cluttered with decorations yet to be put up, or ready to be put away. Though I may get frustrated at times with this cluttered existence, it is mine. My life.....and it has become familiar to me. Cody is on the couch....reminding me often how much he loves me. Not sure I could live without this little guy (who is growing far too quickly .. UP UP UP) coming over and hugging me, telling me I'm the best mom ever. My surroundings, those that are near me....THIS is my life.

And I love it!

This is not to say that it is not terribly difficult at times, hard to understand, and full of sorrow and pain. Too often I complain about those things. But today, today I am grateful. Today I am in awe of my wonderful life. I have struggles like everyone, but mine are mine, and I am learning (continually learning) to grapple with, accept, and overcome (or live with) them.

And my family...what to say of those that surround me. I remember very vividly a conversation Scott had years ago with a friend. This friend had no children and was traveling all over, having a great time. As he said that, Jordan was smearing peanut butter all over my face and clothes. And for a BRIEF moment I was jealous - jealous of the freedom to travel the world over. But, almost in that same split second I realized with such a power within my heart that I would NEVER trade where I was then for ANYTHING!!! Now I have four of those little ones...that have grown up and are becoming wonderful adults. They, too, have their struggles. Those struggles may seem to loom large, but one day these children of mine will have grown used to them with a familiarity only experience can describe. This is life, our existence to learn from and become better because of.

And I am grateful!

And so - today as I sit by the tree ready to write I am contemplative, grateful for my life and those that surround me. I don't know how I would live without my husband and four children. I have grown so used to them. They are a part of me, of everything I do. Their messes, antics, irritability, and fun are all part of me, and I am familiar with it in a way that truly only experience can explain. Every breath I take, every thought I think somehow relates to them.

And I am happy!

Happy that Cody sits there reminding me how close Christmas is, asking if I am so excited and can't wait. Happy that I know when Kelsey and Spencer wake up they will be getting ready for church. They will make their way to the kitchen, half asleep and hungry. I am happy that it is Sunday and my children will not fight me to go to church with me, that they will exercise their priesthood willingly and joyfully, and sit next to me in the congregation holding my hands and playing with my hair. They will sing with me, with arms around me. Ha...and who am I kidding, they will pester one another and while we stand to sing will try to push me over with an arm around me. Their shenanigans, today I will focus on letting them make me smile rather than scold, if only for today. I am learning, continually learning.

I am happy that Jordan is coming home Tuesday. We miss him. I am happy that he has gotten his things together and is ready for Spring semester. The semester off seems to have been good for him. I am happy for him to move forward with his life. And while I will forever hope that he will remember his testimony of the Savior, I am happy that he loves us and still wants to talk with us.

My job also makes me happy. This past week I heard myself say countless times how I LOVE my job. Yes, this is a difficult time for professors as we grade grade grade grade and grade some more. And too often the students show their entitled, irresponsible, down right stupid sides which frustrate me to no end, I love my job. I love the students! What other place could I have such autonomy to design my classes the way I want, teach them the way that I want, and continually grow? Where else could I take my students caroling at a Retirement Home? Or have a special handshake when they come across the stage at graduation (yes, the Board of Trustees laughed out loud)? My students are fun and I love them. And my colleagues - I am the luckiest ever. I have friends that lift me, teach me, and inspire me.

Yes, with him we had a special handshake after he walked across the stage!!!

Yes, this is my life! And I AM happy!

The kids are deep into their sporting events, and I their biggest cheerleader!! Spencer runs 40-50 miles a week. While I think that is crazy....I openly admire his diligence and passion. It reminds me of me when I was younger. Heck, maybe I am the same today...just not running ;) Some folks wonder how (and WHY) I do it...why I leave work and go straight to the games, often not returning home til 8 or 9pm. They think I should take more time for ME! What they don't realize is that IS time for me. I LOVE watching them. I LOVE being a part of their lives! I LOVE being with them!

This is my life! And I am HAPPY!