Meant to Be

I tend to make plans in my life....a lot of plans.  I plan dinners, grocery lists, what I will do each day....PLANS!  I also plan projects, and things I want, and where I will walk/run!  I like to plan.  But those who know me may think this is odd, because I tend to be more spontaneous than calculating or methodical!  A lot more spontaneous!

But that is not to say that I don't think about plans and what I call "optionizing."  Because I tend to get what I want...or at least TRY MY HARDEST to make it this way, I plan!  But I have learned in life to be very flexible....for various reasons, 4 of which are Jordan, Spencer, Kelsey, and Cody!  Kids make the best laid plans fail! :)

But I do like to plan.  I like to know what is going to be happening a year from now...where I'll be...and so on!  I have found that even my best laid plans work out in a much different way than I expect.  I plan meticulously (as meticulous as Denise Demers can - which for some of you is a FAR CRY from even the remotest THOUGHT of planning).  It used to be that when those plans were messed up I would get a bit frustrated...to say the least.

I remember liking a guy named James in college.  I can't even remember his last name.  How corny is that?  But I remember liking him a bit and he came over to my apartment one day.  Because I played on the university softball team I kept a tight schedule.  I had practice at 3 so I had to get my homework done BEFORE if I wanted to do anything after.  I don't remember the particulars of the experience, but I remember being a bit shaken up about my schedule when he came over and messed up my schedule.  Now, I didn't mention it to him (at least I hope I wasn't so crass back then) but I remember feeling out of sorts having my plans rearranged.  Sounds completely unlike me now, but....I am a much different person now.

As far as planning, I have learned to plan like crazy, pray, and then let the Lord rearrange those plans to a way that suits Him more and actually suits me best too.  It seems that I often find myself saying, "The Lord is good to me!"  And He is.  Many things in my life fall into my hands...were "meant to be," so to speak.  Now don't get me wrong...I work and struggle and toil like crazy much of the time, but out of the sweat and tears come the blessings.  Along with the lesson to plan and then sit back and let the Lord take over came the one about NOT planning and how NOTHING happened...but it was usually bad, or not good in some way.

So, I plan ... then ... be flexible!

Such has been the case with going back to school.  Surely it was not MY plan at all.  It actually was an afterthought, to say the most.  It was a token stab at another path.  MY plan was to prepare for and take the GRE this month. 

However.....I found once again that my plans have been altered by someone I trust much more to plan my life than ME!  And I am glad! And grateful for this package to fall into my lap!

Tonight I was talking to one of my professors after class.  She was in her office late...she's that type...and I just walked in to chat.  I love that about her!  I wanted to ask a short question about our midterm, but like usual the conversation turned to a lot of other things.  We got into my background a little.  It still amazes me that all the faculty KNOW me!  I suppose they read my file and had a part in accepting me to the program. She commented to me as I told her about applying late, etc that I was "a very strong candidate."  That made me feel real good.  I didn't feel like a strong candidate....and truthfully, I think I just needed to hear that so I could store it away for days like today when I needed to hear it!  At any rate, it made me feel validated and an integral part of the program - a person with whom the faculty care about and want to work with.

She asked how I got to Illinois and eventually to SIU-C.  I gave her the very condensed version.  Her comment, "It was meant to be!"

And sure enough....it was "Meant to Be!"