Focus on the Family

For someone as focused on her family as I am, this may come as a big surprise.  I don't know how it all came about, but....it has, and for that I am grateful!

The Lord works in mysterious ways.  That is a given!  So here is a journey, the journey, I have been on for the last month or so!


Going to school, I knew, would be hard.  Not that I am not smart enough to go back, but that my time is laden with MANY other things, events, occurrences, that detract from studying.  As the mom, as the YW President, as the wife, and driving 2 hours to and from school didn't mesh so completely in my brain.  Yet, true to my form, I thought I could do it all.  But so much of me was failing....well, maybe not failing, but falling apart.  I knew my counselors needed to be released or pick up a tremendously larger load.  I wasn't getting any answers to my prayers.  Really I knew I couldn't handle it all, but hated to admit that.  PERIOD!  It is easy for me to remind others about balance and not taking on the entire world, to take time for themselves, etc. but when it came time to tell myself, or even make myself listen, let alone believe, it was a different story.  A COMPLETELY different story!

While walking with a friend she mentioned that maybe I get no answers because I'm asking the wrong questions.  Or maybe that I'm not supposed to get an answer because the real answer lies in taking care of my family first before the Young Women or anyone or anything else.  That hit a chord....a very loud and very strong chord within me.  As I thought about it I realized that I haven't been open to the Spirit lately because of the mess around me....because of all the stress I have placed in my life.  But right then and there I realized again just how involved in my life the Lord is, just how very much my Father in Heaven LOVES me!  I wouldn't listen, or quiet down my life enough TO listen, so He prompted a friend to say something knowing I WOULD listen to her.  Sadly, two or three more friends said VERY similar things.....I got it!  Loud and clear, I got it.

But how on earth was I so far from focusing first on my family?  I don't know.  I don't think I was ever FAR from focusing on them, just absorbed in my many callings and goings on regarding the youth and ALL their activities.

Another friend mentioned her new calling wondering if she was good enough to not mess up the entire thing.  Ha!  It was SO easy to share with her how she COULDN'T ... it wasn't her program to mess up, it is the Lord's and we can't mess His church up.  It was at that moment that another huge chord was struck within me....a strong enough one to pull the tears that were buried deep in my soul up and out my eyes, throat, and every part of me.  Anyone can be the YW Pres....no one can mess that up.  But not just ANYONE can be the mother of the Demers' family.  THAT role can only be done by ME!  And I CAN mess it up if I don't spend more time there, etc.  I am sure that came out far less eloquently and profoundly than it did the moment I thought it....or that the thought was placed in my mind.  But it is true!

So, I was released today (Sunday, Sept 19).  Through many many tears I made it through the day.  I love the youth.  I love being involved in their lives.  I will miss them terribly.  But today begins what I started a few weeks ago...a focus on MY family!  Nothing else matters....and no other success truly can compensate for failure in my home.

NOTHING!

I am sure I could add a lot more to this post...make it more of my journey and more of my thoughts.  But this will have to do for now.  I actually started it Sunday, when I was ACTUALLY released, but haven't gotten around to posting it til today - thinking that just maybe I would amend it a bit or something.  This will have to do.....