One such moment happened to me on Wednesday morning. I want to record it so that I never forget .... never forget that though things seem helter skelter at times, way off, and mostly difficult, my Father in Heaven is aware of me and the tiniest moments in my life.
Let me paint a backdrop for this "Magical Moment."
I have started back to school - which is hard. Because I have spent the last 12 1/2 years of my life being a stay at home mom...home at the crossroads of my children's lives (when they go to school, when they come home, etc) it is hard for them also. Not a lot about this is easy....the drive, the being gone, the reading, the listening to my children struggle in ornery ways because I am gone, etc. Lately Kelsey has been refusing to go to bed on Monday and Wednesday nights because I go to school on Tuesday and Thursday. Then she refuses to get up on Tues and Thurs because I will be leaving for school THAT day. No, this has NOT been easy. But I know that it is right. I know it is what the Lord would have me do right now. I know it is the right thing to do for our family. And though at times I want to quit and I know that I can't...and I know that I won't...and I do know that my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ WILL help me.
Ok...now...for Tuesday night. Kelsey calls me on my way home. I look at my watch KNOWING it is late (I don't even get OUT of class until 8:30 pm). Sure enough...it is late, past a normal go to bed time for her on a school night. I talk to her happily about school and her afternoon and such. All is great until she asks how long it will take me to get home. I still have an hour to an hour and a half before I get there. In a split second I wonder how to answer. I can't lie....I'm not wired that way. And distracting her is only lasting so long before she is getting mad and wants to know THE answer to her question. So, I tell her. This is not a good move...though really it is the only move and ultimately led to the "Magical Moment" of Wednesday morning.
She gets more and more upset. I am holding my cool, reminding her that we can do hard things, and she finally agrees to read her book and wait for me to come home. My hope is that she will fall asleep reading. As she hangs up...Jordan calls. In the background I hear yelling and screaming at that late hour. No, this is NOT easy....not a single part is what I am thinking at that moment.
Everything seemed to calm down...thank you, Jordan...and I spend the remaining moments of my drive wondering about it all, hurting because my children are hurting, praying that we will be strong, that they will be strong, that they (and I) will adopt fully our new family motto: "I/we can do hard things...through Christ we can do ALL things." (adopted from Sis Elaine Dalton's talk in Nov 2008 entitled A Return to Virtue).
I get home and still have work to do. I don't last long and finally go to bed. Reading the scriptures brings enough peace to fall asleep peacefully.
In the morning I am exhausted...period!
And it turns out to be THE worst day of the week for EVERYONE. They all wake up on the wrong side of the bed and more voices are raised, doors shut with more sound than they ought, words that push buttons....you get the picture. No, this is NOT easy...and once again I question my path. Yet I know it is right and pray that the adjustment will not take long and we will learn something positive along the way.
Our usual scripture reading was NOT going to happen, I could see that all along. We were all running late and running on thin skin. I sat at the table in desperation at the situation, near tears, and finally decided that I wouldn't let reading go just because of this event. My usual waiting until EVERYONE was there was excused so we could read before noon. Only Kelsey and Jordan were present.
My emotions were very near the skin...that lump in my throat was about to crackle into tears at ANY moment (especially if I opened my mouth). I opened the Book of Mormon to 1 Nephi 3! I read about a conversation between Nephi and his father. Lehi tells his son that the Lord has commanded him to send his sons back to Jerusalem to get the plates of Laban. As I begin to read verse 4 that lump is getting bigger...I can't contain it any longer and my children notice as I read these verses that I am crying.
4 Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brothers should go unto the house of Laban, and seek the records, and bring them down hither into the wilderness.
5 And now, behold thy brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them; but behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord.
They ask why I am crying....I go on reading through verse 7
7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.
Then I stop to talk to them. I mention that I feel the Spirit. I tell them that this is sort of how my life is right now. I then explain why. I ask Kelsey about our talk the night before. It is hard for ALL of us, I tell them. And it is harder for me when I see how hard it is for them because I love them. I don't like to see them hurting. She remembers the conversation.
I ask about how we are responding to the "hard thing," like Laman and Lemuel or like Nephi. She was all there...so was Jordan. She admitted that she was acting like Laman and Lemuel, murmuring and complaining. We all were....this is hard.
"So how do we change our attitude to be more like Nephi's?" I ask. Amazingly, this WAS one of those rare moments in the scriptures where it all went right. That "Magical Moment" when the stars in the heavens align and all is right in the world for that moment.
Her wheels were turning and she finally responded, "I can help you. I can be more happy and that will help it not be so hard for you." Jordan agreed.
The tears were too hard to hold back at that moment.
These type moments in the scriptures are rare. Though I wish they were more frequent I don't despair. With each one, infrequently placed, I gain greater vim and vigor to continue a practice that I KNOW will be of benefit even through the difficult non feeling good type mornings in the scriptures.
It reminded me of Elder Bednar's talk More Diligent and Concerned at Home that I had just listened to on my way to or from school. He mentions there that it is really the consistency that will be the key. His whole talk is great, but this quote was a healing balm for me:
Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.
Yes, "Magical Moments" happen!
1 comment:
O.K. now I'm crying too. I hope Krista being there this week will be fun for everyone. Wish I could take off work and come too. Love you guys.
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