Still There - a Look into my Heart

This morning (Tuesday, Sept 28) I noticed that the sky was particularly beautiful.  As I rode to my meeting place to run with my friend I gazed heavenward, remembering the total clearness of the day before.  There wasn't a cloud in the sky.  But today there were clouds galore.  What caught my attention most was how it wasn't the hazy cloudy but beautiful clouds that I could almost see the shape of each one, yet they overlapped each other to fill nearly the entire sky.  Amazingly, there was just one small peak through the clouds where the clear dark sky filled with brilliant stars shone through....and there was also the clear light of the moon.  The same sky that was there yesterday was 'still there' today....just covered by a few clouds.  My mind went wild thinking of all the things this could mean.  Even during the cloudy days, the same goodness is always there waiting to come back again.  It gave me hope!

Lots of other analogies came....but I won't share them all.

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FAMILY SCRIPTURE READING

Last night we started the Book of Mormon reader over.  Before beginning I asked my children to describe in just 2 sentences what the Book of Mormon is.  I was amazed at their answers!  LITERALLY!!!  My heart was full.

Cody: About God's plan

Kelsey: A book about the people who lived here before, the Nephites and Lamanites.  It teaches us lessons, so we don't do the same bad stuff they did.

Spencer:  About good and evil and how we should live

Jordan: A book about God and his dealings with the people of the American continent

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LOVE

When I was a sophomore in High School my seminary teacher gave us a personality test.  I don't really know why, but I suppose we must have been talking about something related???  I was a willing audience and took the quiz happily.  Little did I know that Brother Blackwell would highlight MY quiz in front of EVERYONE!  Had I answered so that it made me look like the coolest kid with no teenage insecurities at all I would have been much happier.  However, I think he knew that even then I could handle it.  He told me that when I got older, specifically married, I would need to hear that people love me.  He said that I would know it, and I was ok enough with myself, just that I was a person that needed to hear it all the time.  I didn't think much about it after that first initial moment (and maybe for a week or two after...knowing my teenage brain and heart), until lately.

This morning Cody said to me something he says quite often!  "Mama, do you still love me!???"  It used to make me sad thinking that I didn't show him enough or that he really didn't KNOW I loved him.  But now I know he must be the same type of person as me...he needs to hear it.  I will say to him, "Who loves you most?"  His reply is always, "MAMA!!!"  He knows I love him.  Yet he asks me multiple times a day.  He likes to hear it.  

This little interaction this morning got me thinking....a lot.  Cody craves hearing it, yet Kelsey, growing up in the exact same house with the exact same parents, says to me when I tell her I love her, "I KNOW, Mom!  You tell me EVERY day, you know!"  Funny how that works.

It reminded me of a friend at Camp this year.  I don't remember the situation or even what was said but maybe she felt a little insecurity at this moment.  I remember thinking that she, of ALL people in the world, surely knew how wonderful she was and how much I loved her.  She put her arm around me to whisper in my ear that sometimes she's just a little girl and needs to be reminded!  It was a lesson to learn.  I think, at times, we are all like little children and just want to be reminded, to be held, to be taken care of, to be listened to, ETC ETC ETC ----- no matter how old we are or the jobs we have or how anyone else views us.

I sometimes think I am weak because I like to hear it.  Or maybe I have THOUGHT that in the past.  Not so much anymore....I tell people all the time....maybe they are like Kelsey and "already know."  But I don't want to take that chance....so when I feel it I usually say it.  I know I used to call home to my mom and sing, "I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I caaaarrreee, I do."   hhehehehehehehe ... now THAT really dates me, doesn't it?!  I should do that again.  It was a fun thing...it was a ME thing.

So Saturday when I said to my friend, "I'm still your friend, right?"  I wasn't NOT knowing (I was being like Cody).  Her response, "I tell you all the time!"  I laughed...it is true!  I felt a little sheepish then but realized this morning when Cody AGAIN asked me if I loved him that.....it was all ok.  I hope others understand that too.

Part of life, I think, is figuring each other out (all while trying to figure OURSELVES out).  Treating each other not so much how WE would like to be treated, though that is usually a great place to start, but how THEY would like to be treated.  I am a slow learner most of the time, with a really long learning curve, but hopefully I eventually get it.  I probably ere on the side of the egocentric way of thinking that surely everyone is just like me and loves to hear it!  *sigh*  But then again, I have another friend who I have come to know quite well and know when NOT to talk or ask questions, etc.  We are good friends, but COMPLETELY opposite. Another that hates to talk on the phone, another that loves hugs, another that would rather you not touch her.  We all come in lots of different packages....LOTS of them! 

Recently I attended a Marriage class where the presenter talked a lot about the 5 love languages.  I haven't ever read the book cover to cover but have heard about it, talked about it, etc for quite some time.  I believe it is true...we all show and receive love in different ways.  The real trick is to figure how HOW that is...for ourselves as well as for others.  Hard as it is sometimes, it is do-able.

Life is all about learning, isn't it!  Learning all sorts of fun things, cool things, hard things, exciting things....all things that mold our very being.  All things that we can grow from, learn from, become better from, etc.  I want to be a life long learner....NOT just in the university setting, but learning about ALL things. PERIOD!

Thankfully, I live in a world filled with ENDLESS possibilities for learning!